The Most Important Skill You Must Develop

Have you ever sat next to a true bore at a dinner party? Have you ever, perhaps, even been the bore at a dinner party?

Stop and think about the last time you spent a few moments in the presence of a boring person. Even though it might have been only a few moments, it felt like an eternity, didn’t it?

Why do you think that was? What feature comes to mind when you remember that encounter? Chances are that you were in the presence of a person who talked non-stop. A person who clearly demonstrated that he or she was far more interested in what they were saying than in actually having a back and forth conversation.

You know the kind of encounter I’m talking about. The kind where the person you are engaging with never quite hears what you say because they are too focused on what they are going to say next.

Have you noticed that those people are rarely successful at achieving the things they truly want in life? They are always talking about their goals and dreams, but hardly ever experience them.

I believe the reason for this is that they lack a vital skill. One we all could stand to develop more of. One that, if missing, practically guarantees losing out on achieving your dreams.

That skill is…

Listening

Listening allows you to build deep, lasting connections.

Nothing builds a connection faster than genuinely listening to someone. Paying attention to what they say and how they say it.

We all long to be heard. To be seen. To know that we matter. When someone listens to us we feel validated and our sense of worth grows.

When you genuinely listen a connection is made that can’t be made any other way. People respond to acknowledgement. They warm up to someone who genuinely hears them. It’s how leaders influence, politicians are remembered, and good managers motivate.

Listening demonstrates respect and in a very real way honors the person you’re listening to. It communicates to them that their words and expressions matter. That they have impact and for the moment exist in a world bigger than their own.

You want to connect with someone or make an existing connection deeper? Spend time genuinely listening to their thoughts, ideas, and opinions and see what happens.

In addition, listening helps you gain understanding

Stephen Covey, the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” spends a good deal of time in the book talking about seeking to understand as opposed to being understood.

Pretty much everyone knows that if you want to understand how something works you go to an expert and listen to what he or she says. In the same way if you want to understand what is going on with your friend, child or spouse, you need to genuinely listen to the things they say – and don’t say.

Listening opens the door to insight. It expands you limited view to include the thoughts and perspectives of others. It is a true source of wisdom and thus power in your life.

In essence, this is the value of reading. Whether fiction or non-fiction, words have meaning and that meaning can have impact and provide wisdom and understanding. That is if you approach reading with a listening attitude. Too many of us read only those things that either entertain or agree with our existing positions and ideas. Try reading someone with whom you disagree, keep and open mind and see what new perspectives you gain.

One of the worst approaches to life is that of the “know-it-all.” The person who thinks that their thoughts or opinions are the only way to think. We’ve all met at least one such person in our lives. They usually are very lonely and far less successful than others. Their learning is usually stilted and slanted by their personal perspective. Rarely do they learn or gain wisdom. Mostly they are filled with trivia and immovable opinions. Rarely are they filled with excitement and the joy of living.

To gain true perspective and wisdom in life you must always remember that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Truly, listening is vital to any true success

Anyone who is a successful in life is a good listener. Successful people know that it is more important to be interested than to be interesting.

Listening shows respect, it allows for learning new things and it opens the door for effective and wise decision making.

Listening might just well be the most important skill you can develop on the way to upgrading your life and reaching your dreams.

How have you benefited from learning to listen well? What things has listening taught you? Share your thoughts in the comment section below. I’d love to listen to them.

Photo Credit: flickr user Beverly & Pack